redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
