I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
