i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
