she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
