My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
