The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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