I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
