Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You ruined the universe
Your penis caused this!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
