I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
