dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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