$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
