so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
