I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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