WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
