I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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