Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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