He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
