I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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