i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
