What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
