I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
