One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
