Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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