My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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