I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
