Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
