He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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