i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
