Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
