at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
