Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
