Buhtt sex?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
