well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
