dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
