can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
