My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
