was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
