No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
