Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
