The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
