Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
