So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
