His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
