DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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