Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
someone threw a dead crab at me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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