Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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