Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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