I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
