You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
