You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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