I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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