I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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