And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
