Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
