he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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