Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
