U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
