: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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