The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
