Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
