Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
