you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize