well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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